he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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