she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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