Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
