yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
