True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
