I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
