how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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