glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
found the other keg... it's in the tree
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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