direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Randomize
