She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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