my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Randomize
