'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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