its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Randomize
