I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
There r osticjed everywhere
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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