Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
