My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
