Well douche your snatch and let's go!
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
