i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
