I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Randomize
