i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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