Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Randomize
