I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
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