Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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