Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Randomize
