Screwed.edu
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
