if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
