I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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