"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
