I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
