How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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