tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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