he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
