Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Randomize
