That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
