Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
This gyro tastes like lonliness
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
