1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
