Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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