final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
