roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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