Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
