You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
