took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
