My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
