We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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