There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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