im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I'm like, not good at living.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
