I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
