I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
