there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
