dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
