why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
