Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
